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Apr. 23rd, 2009


Ah, sweet freedom, you do not look the same through plexi-glass.

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Discharge = this weekend hopefully.

=D. now all i have to do is get my fat ass down to 100lbs (12more to go) and somehow escape from going to IP in vancouver.

 


 

sade_xox: Lauren.. im sorry for bothering you again but i am so depserate. I miss pa so much.

Im so sorry i broke the rules. I forgot that posting youtube vids under a cut was against the rules as i have not been on the site very much lately and did not know about the new rules. when i was warned it was for "soliciting adresses" i didnt know posting youtube vids was wrong because alot of the girls do it.

Please, is there anything i can do to prove myself to you? PA is my home. Those girls are my sisters. They keep me strong. I just found out this morning from my doctor that i might be going to IP. I feel so scared and alone. I stayed up all night crying when i found out i was banned.

Please, please i promise nto to break a single rule again. I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me.

Sincerely, Enya.
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Lauren: Hi Enya,

Like I said before I am really sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now.

After you first posted soliciting addresses you were sent a warning which you confirmed receiving.

Last night you started out by discussing prior admins in comments and you stated there that you knew that you were breaking a rule.

Then you posted about the bracelets which was soliciting addresses again.

After that you posted the video.

We gave you a warning and you chose to ignore it. We have to enforce the rules to keep everyone in the community safe. I'm sorry that you are going through a hard time but that isn't an excuse to break rules.
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sade_xox:

Okay i am not going to use my suicide attempt or my eating disorder as an excuse. I broke some rules and i fully accept the blame for that. Alot has been going on right now and I was not fully aware of the rule changes. this is the message i was sent:

Please read the rules. You must make members feel welcome and you may not solicit private info such as email or physical address. It is OK to "not" respond to a member's posts, but it is not OK to say it.

- I understand the bracelet one.. I didnt know at the time that it was against the rules, i thought the only part i did wrong was asking for others to msg me their adresses, thats why i posted about it again, this time NOT mentioning my email or telling girls to send me their adresses..

For the video part.. i posted some funny vids off youtube and the later on posted one song by LUDO which i found i could relate to very well, and i thought it was ED related. Girls are always posting funny things to try to cheer eachother up, and posting song lyrics and such.. hence the funny vid posts and the ludo vid. I thought that they had to be behind a cut and that was it. id only heard about the Omegle incident like 2+hrs prior and did not think posting a music video was promo..

In the WR i did not know that they had the same rules as PA. I thought the "promo" rule was to do with websites like Omegle or facebook or stuff... i did not think that the rules had changed there too. I frankly dont fully understand PA's definition of promotion. Lauren could you please clarify that for me?

I know you dislike me. You can be honest, i am okay with that, but pa is my home and all the girls are like my family. I am going through a really tough time right now and I really need the support. I am so scared of hurting myself again. I often sit on my hospital bed and fantasize about how easy it would be. it is only comming on ProAnorexia and asking for help that has saved me thus far.

Please Lauren, could we work out a deal, anything? Is there anyway I could prove myself worthy to you? I will do and give up anything to prove my sincerity to you.

-Enya
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Lauren: "I understand the bracelet one.. I didnt know at the time that it was against the rules, i thought the only part i did wrong was asking for others to msg me their adresses, thats why i posted about it again, this time NOT mentioning my email or telling girls to send me their adresses.."

When you posted again you asked girls to send you messages if they wanted bracelets. You would have had to solicit addresses again over messages in order to send new bracelets.

"For the video part.. i posted some funny vids off youtube and the later on posted one song by LUDO which i found i could relate to very well, and i thought it was ED related. Girls are always posting funny things to try to cheer eachother up, and posting song lyrics and such.. hence the funny vid posts and the ludo vid. I thought that they had to be behind a cut and that was it. id only heard about the Omegle incident like 2+hrs prior and did not think posting a music video was promo.."

Posting videos isn't necessarily promo- there is a separate rule that says not to post videos or links to videos.

"In the WR i did not know that they had the same rules as PA. I thought the "promo" rule was to do with websites like Omegle or facebook or stuff... i did not think that the rules had changed there too. I frankly dont fully understand PA's definition of promotion. Lauren could you please clarify that for me?"

You posted your e-mail in the waiting room. It clearly says in the waiting room rules that posting e-mail is not allowed.

"I know you dislike me. You can be honest, i am okay with that"

I don't know you, and I honestly don't dislike you. Please understand that this isn't personal at all- my decisions are based on keeping the community safe not on my opinion of you.

"Please Lauren, could we work out a deal, anything? Is there anyway I could prove myself worthy to you? I will do and give up anything to prove my sincerity to you."

You have been given multiple chances already and you have continued to break rules. You have given me no reason to trust you. At this point it would be completely irresponsible for me to unban you because you could continue to break rules which puts the entire community at risk.
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Sade_xox: I know I have shown you no reason to trust me. But lauren I swear i did not know posting my email was against the rules either, girls are always doing that for aim or asking if others have myspace, im sorry i did not see anything wrong with that.

HAve you ever made a mistake Lauren.. something you truly regret? This is my mistake. This is my regret. It saddens me that you would base your decision to unban me on the fact that i broke more rules in the WR (rules which i did not know even existed)

Lauren Honestly I dont think there is anything i can say or do to convince you to somehow trust me again. I guess I am banned for life then huh? It makes me sad that I can never be apart of the PA comunity again. Especially when i really need it. Please know that I am truthfuly sorry. Is there someway i can prove to you that i am who i say i am? I could give you my email, my fb adress, anything. I honestly meant no harm. Please lauren, I know the rules mean alot to you but if you give me a second chance, i promise that it will not be wasted.

Sincerely, Enya

Apr. 6th, 2009



Im sorry. I cannot do this anymore. Im not going to be dramatic. Just something simple, i think i will slit my wrists in the bathroom. Im sorry Lauren, Nikki, Sarah, Maggie, Mele, Roslynd, Libby, Hayley... I cant do this anymore. I am so alone. I have absolutely no one to talk to. I cant stand laying in my hospital bed all day crying anymore. I miss my baby too much. I know if i go to IP i will kill myself anyways...

Beautiful, I am coming to join you. Please, wait for me.

 

 

Enya Sade Slaton.


FUCK

 

i might be going to IP. Im not even underweight. im fucking 113lbs. fuck.

PA MODS


Im so sorry i broke the rules. I forgot that posting youtube vids under a cut was against the rules as i have not been on the site very much lately and did not know about the new rules. when i was warned it was for "soliciting adresses" i didnt know posting youtube vids was wrong because alot of the girls do it.

Please, is there anything i can do to prove myself to you? PA is my home. Those girls are my sisters. They keep me strong. I just found out this morning from my doctor that i might be going to IP. I feel so scared and alone. I stayed up all night crying when i found out i was banned.

Please, please i promise nto to break a single rule again. I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me.

Sincerely, Enya.

 

There's this angel that I know,
Who loved to dance in fields of gold.
He took my hand, and held it tight.
Helped me on my darkest nights.

With golden hair and chocolate eyes,
He turned to me with such surprise.
He pulled me close, and kissed me so,
Touched me in ways you'll never know.


But then a tear escaped his eyes,
How come I'd never sensed the lies?
With iron hands you clenched my heart,
Dug in your nails, tore it apart.

And then you smiled,
And walked away.
You left my life in disarray.

So with a razor in my fist,
I'll drag this blade across my wrists.
You could say it's CUTE without the E,
Like suicidal Ecstasy.

If I've tried it once,
I've tried it twice.
Each time you have to pay the price.
So goodbye school and goodbye clothes,
Goodbye to those I'll never know.

Goodbye love and goodbye life,
For this addiction to my knife,
Cannot be cured,
It's a disease.

Dear Lord, Please let me rest in peace.

Apr. 25th, 2008

108 =)
hope i can maintain it til sunday
i  have decided that everyweek (on sunday to be exact) i am going to set
mini-weekly gw's that i will try to reach by the next sunday.

CW= 112
H= 5'3.5
GW1= 110
GW2= 105
GW3= 100
LTGW= 90
BMI=19.5


april 13 (sun)= 112
gw by april 19th= 110

my prayers are with you lovely_bone5 (and her family)
we will always miss you.
<3

xo;

So today is a day I can see going down-hill.
It's rainy for one, *depressing*
and my school is cold.


My plan for today:
crumpet w/ spread  90
coffee 10
banana 90
fruit cup 50
apple 50
boullion broth 10


daily total= 210

ss&tt <3

mon ami // mon ami // mi amigo

heyy lovelies,,

just feeling kinda lonely,
(not to mention fat)
binge binge binge
would appreciate a lil support/
someone to  talk to to get my mind off of
food, or how gross I feel.

enya_slaton@hotmail.com

ss&tt beauties
<3